Tuesday, September 8, 2020

The Rise and Downfall of Maddox (Part 1: Introduction and the beginning of "The Best Page".)


 

        The Early Days of the Internet were some of the best times for content creators. People could make any website they wanted, and they could do it for fun or because they had a business to run. Some people would create a website that would be just for fun, but that website would quickly spiral into a massive internet business. Some would get famous from their sites, and then they would spiral that fame into other aspects of an internet career. Then theirs Maddox; he started his own website, and then he used that fame to get a TV show, and a podcast. However, he would then be revealed to be a massive lolcow, and he would inevitably start his downward spiral into insanity as he became a shell of what he once was.

        George "Maddox" Ouzounian is an Armenian-American Comedian who is known for the site "The Best Page in the Universe", who is from Salt Lake City, in Utah. Before that, he tried to get a degree in math at Utah Valley University in Orem, but he failed the practice exam 3 FUCKING TIMES, so he just decided to give up and work in telemarketing. He soon then quit that job, so he could create his own website. And this is where the magic Began. 

        The Best Page in the Universe was created as a satirical, presumably, sometime around mid-1996, and the first article for The Best Page was created on August 12, 1996. In most of his articles he takes on this persona of being this self aggrandized, egotistical jerk-off who you would want to punch in the face if you met in real life. This persona is put on full display in most of his articles, and is most present in one of his oldest remaining articles, I rULe. In this article he established his persona, as a manly pirate man, and a robot. However, only one of these personas would stay, and that would be the pirate one. A Couple of other things that would establish Maddox's Character would be his rants on how he hates kids, Hippies, Feminists (or Feminazis as he would call them), and The Movie Titanic, and how he loves stuff like Beef Jerky and Tabasco (I'm more of a Cholula guy to be honest).

        Diving deeper into Maddox's hatred of Feminism will have you find out that he has written multiple articles on the topic. In this article titled "The Feminist Agenda", he complains about how much feminist complain, calls them fascists, and tries to disprove the wage gap. In another article written almost a month earlier, he bitches about the amount of tampon and period pad ads on TV. He would then write another article on feminists repeating most of the points he maid before. All the way up until the mid 2000's he kept bitching about feminism in his blogs, and I'm pretty sure it was because he was a virgin with rage. However, he didn't just make stuff out of pure virgin rage, sometimes he was actually right about stuff. When the whole Y2K think happened, he didn't buy it, and so he decided to write an article about it. His argument for Y2K not happening was mainly based of of the banks and how they were calculating for next year already. 

        Sooner or later the 2000 presidential election happened, and that sparked of another key characteristic of "The Best Page" in the late 2000's: Maddox's hatred of George W. Bush. To be fair to Maddox, if Gore was elected, I have no doubt that he would've made articles criticizing Gore, especially seeing as how he has written articles against Environmental Conservation and Groups like Greenpeace, and he'd already written an article criticizing both during the election. However, since Bush was the one who got elected, he was the one who got shitcanned. His first about bush was made in 2003, and was called "Bush: Making Political Satire Obsolete Since 2000". In the article he criticizes bush for his policies, but other than that he also takes low jabs at how he talks slow and how he's considered stupid bu most people. He also wrote an article called "Who Would Make a Better President: Bush or a Box of Tic-Tacs? An Objective Analysis". In this gigantic anti bush circle jerk, Maddox, obviously, give the Tic-Tacs the win in the contest and so did his audience. He held a poll on who was the better president, and while Bush got 30% of the vote, the other 70% belonged to the Tic-Tacs. If you're wondering why I'm bringing this up, this will also be important for the future.

        However, the defining moment of Maddox's Pre-2006 Era was wen he presented crappy children's artwork in his article "I am better than your kids." This is what truly launched Maddox into internet popularity. In this article, he presented children's art work he though was crappy, and criticized it harshly. This article currently as of September 8th, 2020, sits at 9,121,519 views. This article was so popular, he actually made a second article called "More Crappy Children's Artwork.", and that article got 8,511,154 views which is almost as much as the first one.

        With all this Internet fame, you'd've thought Maddox was content with just being another internet celebrity; you would be wrong. Maddox had greater ambitions than just being another internet blogger, he also wanted to become an author.

TO BE CONTINUED>>>

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